New Years Resolution.
We all do it every year. I start to think if I don’t say it out loud then maybe I won’t be setting myself up for disappointment. It’s always sitting there in my head. A reminder for the 365 days that lay ahead. But when someone asks what my New Year’s resolution is I respond “don’t have one”. Never confess to having a resolution.
For 15 years I’ve always had the same resolution; lose weight, eat better, make healthier lifestyle choices. I think it was 2 or 3 years ago I realized, shouldn’t those things be a daily resolution? Daily, yearly, I’m still trying to accomplish those things.
I’ve always been extremely critical of myself. No one is harder on me than me. I expect perfection even though I’m far from it. I can tell myself and others that no one is perfect. But I really should be. Sometimes I think I intentionally hold myself back because I’m more comfortable failing. What would I do if I actually succeeded? Then the expectations would be even higher.
Going through treatment over the last 5 months, my eyes are open for the first time. I realize I’m really not that bad after all. Sure I can lose a few pounds. Yes I can make healthier choices. But I think the best choice for me was discovering that I am Bipolar. Because with the treatment I’m receiving I’m finally able to see things more clearly and become a little more comfortable with who I am. I’m starting to consider goals and not be afraid of success and/or failure.
So, my New Year’s Resolution: Take care of myself and continue to educate myself. I’m starting all over again with discovering me. And who knows, caring for myself might actually make those pounds disappear and the better choices will come much more easier to me.
